Learn to be Still
by crazyx4
Summary: *Revised* Merry helps Sam learn to live in the present. Takes place post-ROTK, on the eve of Frodo's birthday.


Title: Learn to be Still  
  
Author: crazyx4  
  
Characters: Sam, Merry, Frodo Gardener  
  
Rating: G  
  
Disclaimer: So not mine. I have loved these characters for years, and I am quite content to let them remain the property of their creator, the esteemed JRR Tolkien. I just like to play with them every now and then.  
  
Feedback: "Yes, I asks. And if that's not good enough, I begs!" crazyx4@hotmail.com  
  
Summary: Merry helps Sam learn to live in the present.  
  
Notes: Although Frodo Baggins does not actually appear in this story, he is very much a part of it. Any slashiness between Frodo and Sam is very much in the eye of the beholder. I see it, because that is the way I view Frodo and Sam. Readers who view the Frodo/Sam relationship as merely a deep friendship will no doubt interpret the story in that way, and that's fine, too. The inspiration for this vignette comes from an old Eagles song of the same title. This takes place post-ROTK, on the eve of Frodo's birthday. Hugs and kisses to Cara for beta-ing; your own stories inspired me to write about these characters, and your help and encouragement continue to make my own stories so much better. Credit also needs to go to my mom, although she will never read this story (and wouldn't know what it was about if she did); the name for baby-kisses is hers.  
  
  
  
"It's a good thing he's so close to the ground already." Merry's teasing voice caused Sam to turn around in surprise.  
  
"It is indeed, though I'll have you know he's doing quite well to be barely a year old." Sam watched his friend as he climbed the small rise to where Sam sat. "What are you doing here, anyway?"  
  
Merry sat on the grass beside his friend, and they both watched Sam's small son take yet another tumble amidst the stalks of tall grass and goldenrod. Frodo-lad disappeared from sight totally for an instant, but then his curly head popped back up, and with a great heave—for someone so small—he once again found his feet.  
  
"Why, I've come to visit you, of course. It's been quite long enough. Besides, Pippin was pining away for some ale from the Green Dragon."  
  
"So you brought that Took along as well, did you?" Sam's voice held an unsurprised smile.  
  
"I did. Right now he's sampling some of that pie Rose had sitting on the windowsill. I've come to fetch you."  
  
"P'raps I don't want to be 'fetched'." There was a hint of melancholy in Sam's voice.  
  
Merry frowned. "And why not?"  
  
"Hmm. Well, it is a lovely day, and Frodo-lad is quite underfoot when he is inside, and…well…" his voice trailed off.  
  
"And perhaps you don't want to think about what day it is—or will be tomorrow," Merry said gently.  
  
Sam turned to look at Merry's earnest eyes. "I need no reminders, Master Merry. I am quite aware of the date without a visit from you and Pippin."  
  
"And you wish to be alone? *Master* Samwise, you know quite well that isn't for the best. Frodo wouldn't have wished it, either. I believe he wanted your happiness above all else."  
  
Sam didn't reply. He watched Frodo-lad try to catch a yellow butterfly. The child attempted to jump up as the butterfly flew higher than his chubby arms could reach, but jumping was a feat he had not yet accomplished. He fell hard onto his bottom, and the air left his lungs with an audible *whoosh*. When he was able to take a breath, he let it out with a loud wail.  
  
Sam went to the boy and gathered him in his arms. "There, lad. You're all right," he murmured, his lips against his son's golden brown hair. Frodo- lad was soon comforted, and he squirmed to be released. Sam obediently put him down, and the child was off again, weaving precariously around a rather large rock as he headed toward the sun.  
  
"He's quite a wanderer, that boy," Merry mused thoughtfully, his eyes on the tottering figure. "'The road goes ever on' for all of us, I suppose; I wonder where it will take him?"  
  
"It does indeed go on, though sometimes I think it's more like a river than a road—sweeping us along on paths we never intended to take. I hope his paths will be filled with more happiness and less shadow than…" His voice trailed off.  
  
"Than Frodo's? Is that so hard to say, Sam? It's why Pippin and I came, you know. It's hard for us, as well. We thought being together might make it a bit easier for us all. We loved him too, you know."  
  
"Not like me," Sam retorted with some bitterness.  
  
"Is it a contest? Well, then, you win, Sam. No, we didn't love him like you. But we *did* love him, all the same." Merry reached out and placed a warm hand on Sam's shoulder. "And since his birthday would have been tomorrow—"  
  
"*Is* tomorrow," Sam interrupted heatedly.  
  
"*Is* tomorrow, then. We just thought…. well, we know you have Rose and Eleanor and Frodo-lad here, but we thought it might help to have someone around who had walked some of the same paths with you."  
  
"You didn't, though. Nor Pippin." The tremor in Sam's voice betrayed his emotion, but he kept his gaze turned away from Merry.  
  
"Not the hardest path, perhaps, but we *were* together for a part of the journey. We just want to help…"  
  
"Begging your pardon, Merry, but there's naught that helps. It's like a wound that never heals, never closes. It's open all the time." Sam wiped the back of his hand across his eyes.  
  
"Sam…I know what he said to you. 'You have to be one, and whole,' he said. I know you miss him terribly, but…you have so much still here! You have Rose, and your children, and you have friends that love you—can't you see that? I know we can't take his place, and I wouldn't want to, anyway, but you *must* know that he wouldn't want you to hurt for him; not like this. Rose says that sometimes she hardly knows how to reach you; that you seem so turned toward another world you can't live in this one."  
  
"That's not true!" Sam was vehement, almost desperate. "I love my family, and you and Pippin…"  
  
"I know you do. Rose knows it, too. It's just that you sometimes seem so set on looking ahead that you can't see *today.* Look at that little lad out there. Do you think he will always be so young?"  
  
"Of course not, I just—"  
  
"You just get caught up in thinking. And hoping." Merry's hand rested warm and sure on Sam's shoulder as he searched for words that could reach his friend, that could bring him from the place inside himself and back to his friends and family. "Sam, I think you will see Frodo again. I feel it in my heart; you two were too close for even the Sea to separate you forever. But…you have to live *now*. You have so much to live for, so many reasons to be happy. Frodo wanted you to have the life he couldn't; he wanted you to have everything. And you do. Can't you see that?"  
  
"Oh, Merry." Tears fell free from Sam's eyes. "I can. I see that. But it's still so hard, sometimes. Like now. I want him with me, I want to put my arms around him, I want to know he's well and happy and healed. I want him to see Frodo-lad; I want to see him to take the child on his knee and love him like I know he would."  
  
"That's why we came; Pip and I just want to help, we want to be here for you when it gets too hard to bear. We love you, too." Merry leaned forward and kissed Sam's cheek gently.  
  
Sam turned away from watching his son and looked at Merry intently. "Do you truly think that I will see him again?"  
  
"Of course I do," Merry smiled gently. "Don't you?"  
  
"Most of the time, I do. He told me that my time might come, too."  
  
"And it's hard not to think about it."  
  
"Yes." Sam dropped his gaze, saddened to realize that his thoughts of Frodo were taking him away from the people he held so dear.  
  
"But you mustn't, Sam. Not all the time, at any rate. You have so much to *be*, right here, before that time comes. Just look at your little one out there." Merry turned his eyes from Sam and toward Frodo-lad, who was now sitting on a rock and happily plucking at stalks of goldenrod. "You have to be *here*, for him, and for Eleanor and Rose, and for yourself. I'm not saying that you should stop wishing, or stop hoping. Just that you have to live your life as it is *now*, without losing yourself in the past or in the hope of the future."  
  
Sam heard Merry's voice, but it was Frodo's words that echoed in his mind. *You have so much to enjoy, and to be, and to do.* "I can't forget him, Merry. I won't. He's a part of me; he is so much in my heart that sometimes he's all I can see."  
  
"Then you have to open your eyes wider, Sam. And maybe your heart, as well. There's room enough there for more than just Frodo, I'd say. I don't want you to *forget* him, you silly hobbit!" Merry smiled at the thought. "As if that were possible. He *is* a part of you, a big part, so why not share him with others that you love? Rose says you hardly mention him anymore, but she can tell that he's on your mind nigh all the time. Talk about him! Share him with her, and with Eleanor, and with Frodo-lad when he's a bit older. You grew up listening to Bilbo and Frodo tell their tales; why not tell your own? Let your children grow up knowing Frodo. Tell of your adventures together, and of your friendship, and tell them what he was like *before*, so full of goodness and life that sometimes it made your heart ache."  
  
Merry's words rent Sam's heart. He turned to Merry and threw his arms around his friend, crying onto his shoulder. Merry held him, rubbing his back gently and whispering kind words. "There now, Sam. It's no cause for crying. It'll all turn out all right in the end; you'll see."  
  
Sam's sobs slowly dwindled, and when he drew back he smiled at Merry through his tears. There was determination in his eyes. "It *will*; I know it will," he said, desperately wanting his words to be true. "Merry, I'm glad you came, and Pippin, too. We'll celebrate Frodo's birthday tomorrow, and Mr. Bilbo's as well. And Pippin can have a taste of that ale he's been craving, or perhaps we'll open a bottle of Mr. Bilbo's wine, and we can tell Eleanor some stories."  
  
Merry felt hope spring in his own heart at Sam's words. "Of course we can! We can tell her about Frodo, and the elves, and maybe a bit of Bilbo's adventures with the dwarves and the dragon and all. It's high time she heard them." Merry smile widened as he squeezed Sam's arms encouragingly. "And I think it's high time we were heading down for a bit of supper, don't you? Or are you still not ready to be "fetched"?"  
  
"I am. Though I'm not as sure about the lad…" Sam managed a chuckle as Frodo-lad once again teetered off balance and landed on his bottom. He scrunched his face up as if to cry, but then spotted his father looking at him and smiled instead. "Or perhaps he's ready to go home, as well." Sam stood and called out to his son, opening his arms to the child.  
  
With much stumbling and weaving, Frodo-lad made his way across the meadow to his father. Reaching his destination, he collapsed into Sam's waiting arms, laughing for the sheer joy of the day. He pressed a spit-riddled kiss against Sam's cheek, leaning in so hard that Sam could feel the imprint of each of his four tiny teeth. Merry laughed as Sam reached up to wipe the worst of it from his face. "Liquid sugar, my mum used to say. Though I never quite understood why."  
  
"P'raps it's because you don't have children yet, Merry my lad." Sam lovingly hugged his son to his chest before setting the squirming child back down.  
  
"He looks a good bit like you, but those *eyes*…" Merry said softly, as they watched the child stumbling around his father's legs.  
  
"I know." The child stopped in front of his father, and held his arms up expectantly. Sam again lifted Frodo-lad in his strong arms, and both he and Merry stared at the child's inexplicably wide blue eyes. Frodo-lad stared back, and then reached out and pinched Sam's nose. Hard.  
  
"Ow! Here, you rascal. You're getting into trouble already. Why don't you try roughing it up with someone else for a change?" Sam swung his son onto his friend's shoulders, his eyes watering a bit more than could be expected from the pinch. Frodo-lad squealed with delight, and grasped Merry's curls tightly.  
  
Merry laughed. "Well, I don't see as how *I'm* going to keep you from getting into trouble. Your dad would no doubt tell you that I'm much better at getting *in* than getting *out*. But I'll do my best."  
  
Sam's smile was wistful, but the love for his son shone through his eyes. "As will I, Merry. As will I." Together, they headed down the hill.  
  
*finis*  
  
I don't really consider this to be a songfic, but I was inspired by the Eagles' song, "Learn to be Still." As many readers may be unfamiliar with the song, I thought I would include the lyrics for the curious.  
  
It's just another day in paradise  
  
As you stumble to your bed  
  
Give anything to silence  
  
These voices ringing in your head  
  
You thought you would find happiness  
  
Just over that green hill  
  
You thought you would be satisfied  
  
But you never will  
  
Learn to be still  
  
(verse 2):  
  
Like sheep without a shepherd  
  
Don't know how to be alone  
  
So we wander 'round this desert  
  
Wind up following the wrong gods home  
  
The flock cries out for another  
  
They keep answering that bell  
  
One more starry-eyed messiah  
  
Meets a violent farewell  
  
Learn to be still  
  
Learn to be still  
  
Now the flowers in your garden  
  
They don't smell so sweet so sweet  
  
Maybe you'd forgotten  
  
The heaven lying at your feet  
  
There's so many contradictions  
  
In all these messages we send  
  
Keep asking how do I get out of here  
  
Where do I fit in?  
  
Though the world is torn and shakin'  
  
Even if your heart is breakin'  
  
It's waiting for you to awaken  
  
Someday you will  
  
Learn to be still 


End file.
